i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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