did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
