Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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