Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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