Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Randomize
