I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
