Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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