If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Pants are for mortals
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
