If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
