I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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