I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Randomize
