Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize