Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Randomize
