The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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