happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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