Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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