Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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