after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize
