I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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