forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
