just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
