he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
