Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
