3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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