First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
