This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
