is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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