Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
