Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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