I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
That was before I lit my hair on fire
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
