if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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