I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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