This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
