Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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