Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
