I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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