If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My penis needs a shock collar
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
When are your genitals available?
Randomize
