i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
