I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
