He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Houston, we have a squirter
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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