GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
