My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
