i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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