Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
