I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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