You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
