xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize