Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
