Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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