If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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