I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
