Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
