peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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