dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
