My friends, they love my intelligence
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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