Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Randomize
