I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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