I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
