I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
