you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
