At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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