Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
