So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
love makes seman taste better
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
