The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
