And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
