This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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