upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
