it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
