Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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