We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
