No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
