Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
