it was like fucking gandolphs beard
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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