I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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