this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
