You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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