i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
