i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
