I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
