I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
