Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
