I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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