That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
