I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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