what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
