I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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