I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
