I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
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