Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
You may now shotgun with the bride
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
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