(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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