Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
