There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize